Friday, February 12, 2010

Give yourself some credit!

For the last few workouts, I've been getting really down on myself for not performing as well as I expected. I've been using the Rx weight or at least 90% Rx weight for all workouts, but I'm finding that my metcon work is suffering as a result. I'm getting too tired with the heavy weight to rock it out on the stuff I'm actually best at, including running. As a result, my times are tanking. I'm still getting a great workout and pushing myself hard, but I'm getting frustrated with not being in the fastest group anymore. I didn't finish Thursdays WOD in time (I had 15 pullups left) and had to dump weight on the final 6 push jerks of this morning's WOD to make it in time. WEAK! I couldn't pull out SIX more? Uggghhhh.... After feeling a little disappointed for most of the day, I read a blog post about honoring yourself and it resonated. I thought, you know what?: I AM DOING SO MUCH BETTER THAN I EVER IMAGINED, BETTER THAN EXPECTED. I deserve to honor myself for my accomplishments to date. I forget that I started on this crazy journey a mere 5 months ago. I'd say I'm progressing nicely.

After my epiphany, I stopped feeling frustrated and started remembering things about those workouts that the negative voice inside my head conveniently overlooked before. Little things I will hang on to as a reminder of how far I've come: Wednesdays WOD: Rx was bodyweight for the deadlifts. I started at 5 lbs over BW and completed the WOD at BW (dumped on the last 10 reps). Looking around at a lot of bars, I know there were only a few of us who even attempted bodyweight. I rocked the weighted lunges. I finished the WOD in the middle of the pack. Thursdays WOD: I grabbed the Rx weight like I had no other option. Done and done. In fact, I used the same weight as the GUY next to me. I focused on my DB snatch form and went slow if I had to, to get it right. Full squat depth, weight in the knees, controlled. Doesn't count if it's half-ass, right?!. I only took 1 water break. Only 3 people in class finished the WOD (all rock-stars!), and I was thisclose to finishing - only 15 pullups away. Fridays WOD: (12 hours after Thursdays WOD!) I grabbed heavy weight again like it was not an option (90% of Rx). Its like a knee-jerk reaction now...Into the first set of 21, I knew this was going to be hard, but I kept going and focused on form: Full-depth front squat, getting under the weight quickly on the push press. Me and another girl were the only ones at or near Rx weight - and DUDES make up the rest of the class. I stayed slow and steady through the round of 21, 15 and completed the final 9 front squats w/o fail. 3 of the final 9 push jerks in, I lost it. Wrists hurt, I was cashed. So, I switched to the final pushups and mulled it over. JDP asked me if I quit and I knew I had at that weight - but rather than just stand there doing nothing, I dumped 20 lbs and rocked the last 6 jerks out. I don't count those last 6, but it was better than doing nothing. 3 months ago, I wouldn't have been using Rx or close weight at every class, I wouldn't have kept working until the final seconds, even if I wasn't going to finish, and I would have been ok with quitting or dumping weight. I would have expected to struggle. 3 months later, I'm spending half of my day on Friday, frustrated that I can't be the winner. ;) I've created a monster!

Going forward, I'm still going to be tough, but not a bully to myself. I'll leave the tough love to the coaches!


  1. Jess, I love this post. You are totally rocking the WODs, and you've made huge gains in a short time. I'm jealous of how much weight you can handle! (which I know I need to get over... but it's still nagging at me!) Glad you're giving yourself the credit you deserve.

  2. Aww, thanks, Lisa! You deserve to be proud of your accomplishments as well. You know I'm proud of you. Crush it!

  3. Great post! I think we all do this, and this is a great reminder to love ourselves just how we are now. :)