For the last few workouts, I've been getting really down on myself for not performing as well as I expected. I've been using the Rx weight or at least 90% Rx weight for all workouts, but I'm finding that my metcon work is suffering as a result. I'm getting too tired with the heavy weight to rock it out on the stuff I'm actually best at, including running. As a result, my times are tanking. I'm still getting a great workout and pushing myself hard, but I'm getting frustrated with not being in the fastest group anymore. I didn't finish Thursdays WOD in time (I had 15 pullups left) and had to dump weight on the final 6 push jerks of this morning's WOD to make it in time. WEAK! I couldn't pull out SIX more? Uggghhhh.... After feeling a little disappointed for most of the day, I read a blog post about honoring yourself and it resonated. I thought, you know what?: I AM DOING SO MUCH BETTER THAN I EVER IMAGINED, BETTER THAN EXPECTED. I deserve to honor myself for my accomplishments to date. I forget that I started on this crazy journey a mere 5 months ago. I'd say I'm progressing nicely.
After my epiphany, I stopped feeling frustrated and started remembering things about those workouts that the negative voice inside my head conveniently overlooked before. Little things I will hang on to as a reminder of how far I've come: Wednesdays WOD: Rx was bodyweight for the deadlifts. I started at 5 lbs over BW and completed the WOD at BW (dumped on the last 10 reps). Looking around at a lot of bars, I know there were only a few of us who even attempted bodyweight. I rocked the weighted lunges. I finished the WOD in the middle of the pack. Thursdays WOD: I grabbed the Rx weight like I had no other option. Done and done. In fact, I used the same weight as the GUY next to me. I focused on my DB snatch form and went slow if I had to, to get it right. Full squat depth, weight in the knees, controlled. Doesn't count if it's half-ass, right?!. I only took 1 water break. Only 3 people in class finished the WOD (all rock-stars!), and I was thisclose to finishing - only 15 pullups away. Fridays WOD: (12 hours after Thursdays WOD!) I grabbed heavy weight again like it was not an option (90% of Rx). Its like a knee-jerk reaction now...Into the first set of 21, I knew this was going to be hard, but I kept going and focused on form: Full-depth front squat, getting under the weight quickly on the push press. Me and another girl were the only ones at or near Rx weight - and DUDES make up the rest of the class. I stayed slow and steady through the round of 21, 15 and completed the final 9 front squats w/o fail. 3 of the final 9 push jerks in, I lost it. Wrists hurt, I was cashed. So, I switched to the final pushups and mulled it over. JDP asked me if I quit and I knew I had at that weight - but rather than just stand there doing nothing, I dumped 20 lbs and rocked the last 6 jerks out. I don't count those last 6, but it was better than doing nothing. 3 months ago, I wouldn't have been using Rx or close weight at every class, I wouldn't have kept working until the final seconds, even if I wasn't going to finish, and I would have been ok with quitting or dumping weight. I would have expected to struggle. 3 months later, I'm spending half of my day on Friday, frustrated that I can't be the winner. ;) I've created a monster!
Going forward, I'm still going to be tough, but not a bully to myself. I'll leave the tough love to the coaches!